Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Blogger Update #4: The Baltimore Meet-up

Wednesday, January 30, 2008 11
A couple of things:

If you've been sending email to, so it took me a couple of days to respond. That account doesn't come to my blackberry and I don't remember to check it everyday or even every other day. I know, I know. I'm a terrible person. Shoot me.

I've been getting a few inquiries about the status of the inaugural blogger get together. Not much has changed since the last time I posted about this topic. We decided on the weekend of April 18-20. People had the opportunity to propose new dates if this didn't work for them, no one did, so I'd prefer not to change that at this point.

Darius Williams is heading up our efforts in creating a theme for this weekend. I think it'd be great if everyone would brainstorm and send what they come up with to Darius via email. Think of good stuff, too. Be creative. Don't submit any tired and over done 'Waiting to Exhale' stuff either please. Darius will provide his contact information when he comments on this post.

People have been offering their assistance, which is greatly appreciated, by the way. I'll likely be calling on many of you for specific tasks we'll need done before departing your respective cities. Right now my attention is focused on getting through my company's annual gala and board meetings and preparing for Miami. I promise that in early-March, I'll be all over this.

Please do save the date and come to Baltimore, bitches.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

These don't look girly, do they?

Tuesday, January 29, 2008 10
Edit: I decided a couple of things last night. 1) I don't think these are women's frames as they don't look feminine at all and; 2) I'm gonna keep searching for a pair of shades for Miami. These are nice, but I really don't like how big Marc Jacobs is written down the side of the frame. I'm usually more subtle than that.

Are these hot or not?

I just bought some hot Ralph Lauren modified aviators from SGH International when I was in Atlanta and said that would be my one pair of new shades for Miami. Well, I found these Marc Jacobs online at Bergdorf's and I think I want these to be my one new pair for Miami.

Here's the thing -- I think these are women's frames. I could be wrong, but they aren't listed in the men's store section. I found them when I clicked the general 'sunglasses' link on the homepage. They don't look feminine at all and I like them, so even if they are ladies frames...fuck it.

What say you?

Monday, January 28, 2008

I've decided...

Monday, January 28, 2008 18
I really want some good sex. I'm not interested in just any old session though. I want some mind-blowing, spine tingling, toe-curling, put you to bed sex. I want to be so spent afterwards, that I can't think about doing anything else other than curling up and rolling over in a pool of sweat and whatever else and passing out.

That's what I want.

We deserve it, too. My penis and me, that is. It's been quite some time since we've had it really good. March or April of 2006, if I remember correctly.

I told you we deserve it.

I'm not going to chase it or arrange anything. It'll happen in due time. I'll appreciate it more when it does, I guess.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Get into this...

Sunday, January 27, 2008 3

You believe

You did nothing wrong
To lead us down this road
I wallow in shame, while you sit there on your throne
When I miss you...I cry
I miss you
I'm sorry i lied

If you can't forgive, and i can't forgive
We can't forgive

I'm sorry
I left you no home,
But your words...are shattered by bones
When I miss you, I cry
I miss you
I'm sorry I lied
I'm sorry I lied

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Don't call me with Myspace bullshit.

Thursday, January 24, 2008 12

I’ve got to make this short. I’m working feverishly in this cube of mine and really have no time to spare. My company’s annual gala is coming up as is our annual board of directors and trustees meeting in Baltimore. I really shouldn’t even be stopping to discuss this nonsense, but this had to be blogged about…immediately.

So I’m sitting in my cube when I get a call from this kid named, well, fuck it, he doesn’t know about this blog, Avery. I went to high school with him and I suppose I’d consider us friends…kinda. I guess what I mean to say is, if I were in a bind or needed a friend’s shoulder to lean on, he wouldn’t be anywhere close to the top of the list.

We were somewhat close freshman and sophomore years of high school, but, for a number of mitigating reasons, grew apart the last two. I didn’t see or talk to him at all through college, but randomly ran into him while I was on a run last summer. We exchanged numbers and sort of kept in contact. I go to his house occasionally and despite the tattoos on his hands and neck and overall (contrived) thuggish persona, he’s actually good for an interesting conversation.

Anyway, he called me with this foolishness:


Yo, some bitch left a comment on my MySpace saying we fucked?

What are you talking about?

Some bitch, yo. She left a comment on my MySpace. Saying we fucked.



Yo, go to my MySpace and tell me if you see what she said.

Two things, Avery: I don’t have MySpace and I’m at the office right now. I’m really busy.

Yo, but some bitch left a comment on my MySpace saying we fucked.

I understand that, Avery. You’ve made that quite clear.

Why would some bitch say that?

Avery, listen…I’m really busy right now. Can I call you later about this?

But some bitch, yo….

You realize that we’ve never had sex, right? Like, what she’s saying happened never did.

I’m saying tho…

But, why do you care? Some chick from years ago said something that isn’t close to being true. What’s the big deal? Delete the comment and move on.

I just checked to see if it was there and it wasn’t.

(extended pause)

Then how do you know it was there?

My ex-girlfriend called me and told me.
Didn’t you tell me the other day she was bitter and you two were estranged? Listen…I’ve already given this foolishness too much of my time. You don’t even know if what she said was there was ever actually there. Call her and talk to her about it. I’ve gotta go.

Ok, yo. I’ll call you later.


Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Why do black people hate sushi?

Wednesday, January 23, 2008 21

What the fuck is up with that, huh?

How could you not want to devour -- scratch that -- annihilate everything on that plate up there? Yummmmm!

Obviously, I love the stuff. Well...some of it. I'm not too fond of anything made with eel of ground tuna. I like my tuna chunk, please. Every time I try to invite a black person out for sushi, they turn you down quicker than Amy Winehouse turns down rehab.

Darius (T. Williams) and I went back and forth today via email about this.

Read his responses. Oh so typical.

From: Mr. Jones [mailto:XXXXXXXX]
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2008 8:18 AM
To: Darius T. Williams
Subject: RE:

I just emailed a co-worker asking about a sushi spot that just opened down the street. I want to have lunch there Friday. Mad hungry, right?


From: Darius T. Williams [mailto:XXXXXXXX]
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2008 9:21 AM
To: Mr. Jones
Subject: RE:

Sushi? Yuck-o. The only fish I eat has to be fried w/hot sauce...


From: Mr. Jones [mailto:XXXXXXXX]
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2008 8:28 AM
To: Darius T. Williams
Subject: RE:'s tastes great and is great for you! I can't get enough of the stuff. I wonder why black people don't like sushi.


From: Darius T. Williams [mailto:XXXXXXXX]
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2008 9:36 AM
To: Mr. Jones
Subject: RE:

Because it tastes like hot spit on a stick.

I had it once and it was absolutely horrible. And if you steam the fish, pan sear it, or bake it -
it's just as good for you...


From: Mr. Jones [mailto:XXXXXXXX]
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2008 9:48 AM
To: Darius T. Williams
Subject: RE:

Open your mind and try it again. You probably just had a roll that wasn't tasty. When you come to Baltimore, we'll go for sushi.


From: Darius Williams [mailto:XXXXXXXX]
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2008 9:49 AM
To: Mr. Jones
Subject: RE:

Um, we're not eating sushi. Where's the fried fish joint? Can we go there instead?


From: Mr. Jones [mailto:XXXXXXXX]
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2008 9:58 AM
To: Darius T. Williams
Subject: RE:


Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I've got a confession...

Tuesday, January 22, 2008 18

Remember these pics I posted a few days ago that I claimed to have not liked because of the bags under my eyes? Well...that was a crock of bullshit. I didn't like them because I looked like a god damn corn-fed wild hog in them.

As Royce was taking the pics, I knew I didn't like them, but I couldn't figure out why. We tried everything from taking the pics in different lighting to using different locations in the room to trying different angles. Still…I hated them. At my request, Royce must have taken about 30-40 pictures (bless his heart) and I disliked each of them.

When he emailed the pics a few days later I just stared at them for a bit. The writing was all over the wall. I mean, I knew I had put on 12 pounds (feels more like 20), but Jesus Christ...I look like I've been eating a 3rd world nation's food supply. No wonder kids in Africa are dying.

I immediately knew I had to do something. I’m going to Miami in just under thirty days and I’m looking to break this sex-less streak that, in spite of Sunday’s encounter, still remains well and in tack since I didn’t, you know, cum. Plus, Royce takes pictures like he’s Nigel Barker himself, so I’ve just gotta look my best for the camera.

I know what you're thinking. You're wondering, "What is this tub of lard doing about it?"

Well…I started going to the gym again. But, I figured that was gonna be enough. I mean, I’ve got 30 days to make something happen and trust me when I say I’m certainly going to make something happen. I'm not going to Miami like this.

I biked to work today and will continue to do so until late-February, through the rest of the winter and into the spring. It’s only 5 miles each way and it’s an incredible work out. I was really concerned about the weather especially since the low temperatures have been in single-digits this week.

The weather wasn’t an issue at all. I put on my ColdGear by Under Armour, some Under Armour sweatpants, a big hoodie, my big Northface jacket, a hat and gloves, a thick layer of Vaseline on my face and called it a fucking day. It was chilly at first, but once I got going and warmed up, I was good to go.

I’m not looking forward to biking home, but I’m actually somewhat anticipating the bike to work tomorrow morning.

I’m also reducing my caloric intake down to 2000 calories per day again. And I’m drinking mad green tea and water. I'll be stopping at the gym to lift 2 or 3 times a week and will do some push ups, arm curls, and get on that Ab Lounge that's been collecting dust at home on the off-days.

There’s no doubt in my mind that I can lose 20 pounds (or damn close to it) by February 21st.

Wish me luck, bitches.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Sad Times in the Life of Mr. Jones

Monday, January 21, 2008 8

You all may have noticed that I’ve been posting less frequently of late. This weekend, for example, I had all sorts of ideas swirling about my head, but I just didn’t know how to articulate them. My hope is that this letter will offer some sort of insight into what I’ve been coping with recently.

I write you today with deep remorse and a heavy heart (and a heavy something else, too). I considered not even burdening you all with this, but then I realized life is all about taking the good with the bad. Many of you read “Just Me…” because of its light-hearted nature, intelligent banter and cunning wit, but there is no place for that today. Today is a day of mourning.

I suppose I should just come out and say it: I’ve lost my orgasm.

I know what you thinking. How is such a thing possible? How does one lose his orgasm? I wondered the same things, too. Seeking the truth, I traveled far and wide (read: from my bedroom to my living room) to consult the wisest authority on this topic.

Samantha Jones, of SATC fame, offered the following (SATC Episode 56, Season 4):

Samantha: I lost my orgasm.

Mr. Jones
: OMG, Sammie Jo, me too!

: I mean, I spent the last two hours fucking with no finale.

Mr. Jones:
Tell me about it. I’ve been trying to, you know, take care of myself, but got nothing. Does that ever happen to you?


Samantha: Well, I'll admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes! When I RSVP to a party I make it my business to come!

Mr. Jones:
Charlotte says sex can be good without a climax.

: That is such a crock of shit.

Mr. Jones:
I hear you. What is wrong with me, Sammie?

: What is wrong with me?

Mr. Jones: Samantha, you’ve gotten your fill. This is about me!

Well…that got me absolutely no where.

Trust me when I say I’ve been giving it the old college try for days now and still…nothing.

Since last Thursday, I’ve hope and prayed and tried and hoped and prayed and jerked and….nothing happened. By Saturday, I was a stopped up mess. On Sunday, I solicited the help of an old friend to help with my search. I was determined to find my orgasm and he was, too.

We had fun for hours, but still…nothing. I was so tired and disappointed and bewildered, I couldn’t even go home and polish myself off.


By Monday I was determined. There was no way in hell I was leaving the confines of my bedroom without finding it. It had to be in there. I mean, where else could it have gone?

I’m not-so-proud to admit that I found it…kinda. I mean, after all that work (and trust me when I say I put in work) it just sort of…showed up. No fanfare. No ticker tape parade. No fireworks and stars. It just sort of…came.

Now, I can only hope that one day soon we will once again be together and that it’ll be as happy to have found me as I will be to find it.

Wish me luck.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Unbeaten No More

Saturday, January 19, 2008 4

My Terps won at #1 North Carolina today and I feel damn good about it.

In its history, Maryland has beaten the number one team in the country ten times -- good enough for second all-time in NCAA history -- but this, the seventh under head coach Gary Williams, is probably the sweetest.

You see, Maryland isn't really good this season and we haven't bee good for much of the last three years. Last time I checked Maryland was 117th in the RPI standings -- it's lowest position in that poll in 20 years. But Coach Williams, whose seven wins over #1 ranked teams are the most among active coaches, found a way to win on the road and improve to 12-7, 2-2 ACC.

Maryland, who won in Chapel Hill for the first time since 2003, needed this win. Those young guys needed some confidence. They needed something to get them going.

Today was a fantastic day.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Uncle Sam to the rescue?

Friday, January 18, 2008 8

You may or may not know this, but the U.S. economy ain't doing so hot right now. People are losing their jobs left and right. The value of the American dollar is plummeting. Our stock markets are, too. The number of people buying homes if down and the number of people foreclosing on the homes they current own is WAY up.

Grim, right?

President Bush today proposed his economic stimulus package. Through a series of tax breaks and rebates, he thinks he can fix what's ailing us. Everyone on Capital Hill, including Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, is being all hush-hush with the specifics, but most people think he'd like to eliminate the 10% tax bracket. Basically that translates to a rebate of up to $800 for single filers and up to $1600 for married filers.

Great. Who couldn't use an extra $800 or $1600 bucks in their pocket, right?

Well, apparently, true to form, President Bush seems to want to black ball nearly a majority of the middle class (households earning between $25-40K). He is believed to be backing a non-fully refundable rebate. This means that unless you've earned enough money to owe income tax, you won't be getting any coin from Uncle Sam.

Looks like Bush are trying to fuck the middle class again.

There is a precedent for such a move. One of the President's first acts in office was the 2001 economic stimulus package -- a package very similar to the one he's proposing now.

I'm not sure why he's assuming these rebates will work anyway. I mean, it's only $800, after all. He's assuming that people will actually consume things with their $800. It seems to me that if your house is being foreclosed on, you'd use that money to make an extra payment and not buy the newest Gucci monogram bag. But what do I know?

On second thought, maybe the President has the right idea. You know La'Monifa and Sha'Quanna from around the way will be licking their chops and waiting with high anxiety for that rebate so they can run to their local high-end goods store to purchase their first (authentic) gaudy monogrammed bag. And you know Man-Man, Pookie and Mook-Mook can't wait to get their hands on the latest rims or Bathing Ape hoodie.

Perhaps there is a reason he's president and I'm not, after all.

Was I a bastard for this? Honestly., my co-workers (and most people who know me) know that I'm hardly a morning person. This isn't anything new either. I've been this way. I'll say 'hello' and 'good morning' and may even have the obligatory office water cooler chit-chat/small talk about whatever nonsensical topics people decide to bring up, but I'm none too happy about it when I have to.

Two of my co-workers who have been out on business for most of the last two weeks started hounding me at 8:35 this morning (the damn office opens at 8:30) with questions about the pricing structure for a product/service my company offers it's clients.

This is how the cross-cube conversation went:

Heyyyy...uhhh...Mr. Jones.

(Thinking how much I hate that long pause between hey and my name...just say what the fuck you have to say)

Heyyyy...uhh...[insert co-workers name here]

You've been working on this...How much are we charging per [insert name of component of character education curriculum here]?

Fifty dollars.

WHAT?!?!? FIFTY DOLLARS!!!! I thought we were charging at-cost. That's really expensive.

(already annoyed by the fact that I just walked in and I'm being accosted about work AND because I've been meeting with my boss all week to discuss this pricing structure)

No, it's been changed. It's $50 now.

Are you sure? I could've sworn we were charging at-cost. $50 seems expensive.

We just met yesterday about this. It's being marketed differently now.

But $50?? That seems expensive.

Look, [insert co-worker's name here], why don't you check with [the boss]. Maybe she can clear this up for you.


Well, I'm telling you the answer to your question, but it's obviously not good enough, so why don't you go and check with [the boss]. Perhaps she can explain this differently.

Wow. Ok.

(akward silence)

My question is this:

Was I being a snappy asshole that needs to apologize for being a bitch or did I respond just fine and need to forget about it?

I think I'm fine, but I'm asking because I've been known to over-respond to certain circumstances and not realize my overreaction until much later, if at all.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Blogger Meet up Update #3

Thursday, January 17, 2008 12
Alright, so here's the scoop on the blogger meet-up in Baltimore. You all will come to Baltimore on April 18th and will leave on April 20th or whenever you decide to leave.

We'll have fun. We'll do Pazo on Friday night, maybe...I'll have to think more about that. Saturday morning and afternoon, we'll do whatever people want to do. Saturday evening, Cocoa can bring out his koochie-koochie headdress or whatever he calls it for the dinner. And trust me when I say I'm eagerly awaiting it.

The actual dinner will be hosted downtown at a suite at the Residence Inn by Marriott Downtown Baltimore/Inner Harbor. I posted a link to area hotels a few posts back. Just scroll down to find and click that.

I'll cover the cost of the suite and provide the pots and pans, plates, glassware (and stemware for wine if that what people want to do) warming tins and burners, and a griddle somebody randomly gave me one Christmas that never gets used. Purchasing stuff directly related to the dinner will be a collective effort. There's a Super Fresh a couple blocks north and a Whole Foods on the other side of the Inner Harbor. It takes 5-10 mins to drive there. For you fancy-smancy bitches, there's a Fresh Market and a Wegmans off the JFX just outside the city. It takes about 45 minutes or so to get there.

I know everybody won't come and names of interested folk have been mentioned, but I'd like to have at least 6 or 7 people commit before reserving the room, gathering materials, etc. With that said, please let me know as soon as you can if you're coming. Don't commit without checking your calendar and if you aren't sure just yet, but know you're really interested, then say that, too.

Either way let me know soon

An eye for an eye, I guess.

This story has been floating around the net for a couple of days now, but I still felt like posting it here. Here's the skinny:

Texas boy rapes sister in the butt. Texas stepdad (the girl's father) was obviously none too happy about said butt rape. Texas boy goes to jail and Texas mom bails him out. Texas stepdad picks him up from jail, but detours to an abandoned house and sodomizes him using a metal wrench. Yikes!

The news article is below. I've highlighted the parts you should focus on.

This story (and family) is a mess.

Dad unleashes eye-for-eye wrath after girl's rape

Star-Telegram Staff Writer
This report contains graphic descriptions of violence.

When the Arlington father caught his teenage stepson sexually assaulting his 8-year-old daughter late Jan. 2, the 32-year-old man did the right thing -- he called police, investigators say.

The 18-year-old was arrested by Arlington police on suspicion of aggravated sexual assault. The girl was taken to the hospital where an examination revealed she'd been raped anally. And the father issued a stern warning to his wife.

"He didn't want anybody to help [the teen]," said Sgt. Cheryl Johnson, supervisor of the Fort Worth sex crimes unit, adding that the man also stated that he would hurt his stepson.

But unbeknownst to the father, police say, the man's wife posted bond for her son's release from the Arlington Jail. When the teen called home for a ride on the early afternoon of Jan. 3, his stepfather answered the phone and arrived at the jail to pick up the teen.

But the pair didn't go home, investigators say. Instead, the Arlington man reportedly drove his stepson to an abandoned house in east Fort Worth where he delivered his own brand of justice. Police say he severely beat the teen with a baseball bat, then anally raped him with a wrenchlike metal tool.

On Friday, the father turned himself in at the Tarrant County Jail on a warrant for aggravated sexual assault. He was released Saturday after posting a $17,500 bond.

"This is a very unique case, but we have a criminal justice system in place and no one can take the law into their own hands," Johnson said. "They need to allow the criminal justice system to work for them and although the process may seem long, it is the process that works."

The Star-Telegram is not naming the father or the teen to protect the identity of the 8-year-old girl.

Johnson said that after the sexual assault, the father left the scene. The stepson made his way to a pay phone, where he called police and was then taken to an area hospital.

That same day, investigators obtained a search warrant for the abandoned house in the 2700 block of Canberra Court near Cobb Park. Though the house was boarded up, the pair made entry through a board that moved, Johnson said.

"We did find evidence at the scene to corroborate our victim's story," Johnson said.

Tarrant County court records show that the father received two years deferred adjudication probation in November 1996 after pleading guilty to burglary of a habitation.

As part of a plea agreement, the man avoided prosecution on four other charges: possession of marijuana, theft by check and two cases of assault with bodily injury. His probation, however, was revoked in 2000 and he was sentenced to two years in prison.

The father also received a 30-day jail sentence for assault with bodily injury in 2001 and a 20-day jail sentence for possession of marijuana in 2006, records show.

The 18-year-old stepson does not have an adult criminal record in Tarrant County, records show.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

I loved this song...

Wednesday, January 16, 2008 13
Why can't the good groups ever make it? Dawn was pretty, too.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Speaking of airports and 9-11....

Tuesday, January 15, 2008 8
It's been damn near seven years since September 11th and idiots are still saying that it was an ‘inside job’.

I’m driving to work this morning and saw a makeshift sign at the intersection of Lake Avenue and Falls Road in the Baltimore suburbs. The sign read: “9-11 was an inside job. Watch ‘Loose Change’ on Google”. You know I checked it out, right? I posted the video below.

It’s more of the same conspiracy theory shit that people have been talking for years, but have yet to prove. Give it up already and accept that there is evil in this world and there are LOTS and LOTS of people who hate America and want to help bring it to its knees.


2008 circa 1984

As I walked through the airport the other morning, I couldn’t help but observe how 1984 that experience is.

Watch your bags and personal belongings at all times,” admonishes an almost asexual voice blaring from above. “Do not accept packages from strangers. If you see unattended bags or packages anywhere in the airport terminal or parking area, immediately report them to a security officer or other authority.” The voice then repeats what is presumably the same warning in French, Spanish, Swahili and goddamn Afrikaans. Ya know…just to keep everyone on their toes.

Everything from the voice over the loud speaker telling you to watch your bags closely because, of course, if you don’t, then you’ll likely become a terrorist’s mule and unwittingly smuggle a bomb on board which in turn will help the evildoers do their evil to the cold, impersonal TSA drones at security watching your every move to the cavity search you've gotta complete to even get on the plane. The whole thing from start to finish was

It’s not so much that I mind the rules and structure; things, after all, are what they are. I just hate the inconsistency. My shower gel made its way to Atlanta just fine, but was too large to make its way back home. Keep in mind I took showers in Atlanta, so there was less gel in there than when I came. Stupid, inconsistent TSA agents.

If dealing with ridiculously inconsistent bullshit and overly convoluted rules isn’t bad enough, you have to deal with nasty ass attitudes. The airline people are fine. They want your money. It’s those nasty ass TSA bitches that really poke my eye.

“Sir, use some common sense and lay that bag down on the conveyor belt,” one agent screamed at this guy in front of me. I thought…Damn. I mean, dude was being a little idiotic, but did he have to put him on blast like that?
It’s my turn to go through.

BOARDING PASSES AND IDs OUT WHEN YOU STEP THROUGH,” this nasty, ghetto ass fat black bitch belted out right in my damn ear.

I stepped through the metal detector.

Didn’t I just say have your boarding pass out?

What are you talking about? It’s in my hand.

I meant out of the envelope.

Then you should’ve said that. Don’t hold me accountable for something you didn’t say.

She rolled eyes, made her mark on my papers and shoved the envelope back in my hand.

That’s the shit I hate having to deal with -- the freaking attitudes. Airplanes and the airport experience would be significantly better if the staff were just a little bit nicer. I’m not expecting 5-star service, but I don’t expect to be talked to like a child because I haven’t committed every TSA policy and procedure to memory. Forgive me.

Basically, I think there’s too much mongering and propaganda going on at these airports. Seven years after 9-11 the government is still playing to our emotions. All these color coded security levels and warnings are ridiculous necessary, but ridiculous nonetheless.

It’s almost to the point of McCarthyism.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

He didn't do it alone, but Dr. King had a lot to do with our ability to do whatever we want to today. No, he wasn't perfect (don't forget about the marital infidelity and alleged academic plagiarism), but who is? Think about how shitty life would be for black folks if people like Dr. King didn't step up to the plate and fight for what was right. Giving him some shine on this blog is the least I can do to honor his legacy.

Thanks, yo.

Monday, January 14, 2008

It's an update, bitches!

Monday, January 14, 2008 14

To: My Cohorts

From: Mr. Jones

Date: January 14, 2008

Subject: Blogger Meet-up in Baltimore

Edit #2:

Re: The date - I'm not married to the month of April, so if May works better for people, then it works better. The important thing is to quickly settle on a date that everyone can live with and proceed from there. How does the weekend of May 16th-May 18th work for everyone? Is that any better than the April weekend? My 24th birthday is a week after that. Perhaps we can use that as the premise behind this whole thing. Let me know.

Re: Hotels - CLICK HERE for a sampling of hotels located in the downtown area. I'd stay at all but, like, two of the spots on that list, but take that for what it's worth. If you look on Expedia or whatever to find something cheaper or further out in the city or suburbs and want to know about the area or it's proximity to downtown, then just shoot me an email and I'll let you know what I know about it.

Edit: Guys, we should settle on a final date sooner than later. I don't know if there's a convention or something going on in Baltimore that weekend, but lots of the hotels are already booked. Two of the four suite style hotels I looked into were not accepting reservations. The Residence Inn by Marriott is taking reservations and offers full kitchens so we (read: you all...I can't cook a damn thing) can cook. It's located 11 miles from BWI by car/taxi and is just a couple of blocks off the airport rail line that comes downtown. We just need to decide what works best for folks, so I can secure a space for us....soon. That is all.

I am writing to advise you of new developments surrounding the proposed gathering in Baltimore. The de facto meet-up working committee met via telephone today and settled on the weekend of April 18th. April seems to be a better choice than March because it's less likely the weather will be nasty/super cold in April. Plus it works best with my calendar...and bank account.

Darius Williams priced flights from Newark, Chicago and Atlanta for that weekend and found round trip fare from each of those locations for less than $300. Those are on AirTran, which sucks, but they're cheap flights, nonetheless. Bloggers departing from other locations should check out Expedia or Priceline for average airfares.

I still haven't decided which hotel I'm going with, but it will likely be either the Tremont Plaza, Residence Inn Downtown - Inner Harbor, or the Homewood Suites in Harbor East. I was thinking about the downtown SpringHill Suites, but they don't have stoves..just microwaves. We know you can't cook a damn thing in the microwave.

There's a grocery store and a bunch of other hotels within two blocks of each of those spots, so we'll be good to go with buying whatever food and stuff for this major meal. The Homewood Suites in Harbor East is the only property that isn't within walking distance of the rail line that would take you from BWI to downtown. I'll consider all of that when deciding and update you all when I do decide.

Let me know what you guys think about these dates.

I'm really excited and hope we can make this happen. La asked if this was strictly a boy's affair and the answer is FUCK NO!!! All the girls are welcome! La, Jameil, Nia, and any other female bloggers...please come, too. The more the merrier.

Everyone is more than welcome to spend those 3-days in the suite with me if you don't want to pay for a separate room. I mean, I'm taking the bed, no doubt, but you all can fight to the death over the pull-out and the best spots on the floor.

I really hope everyone comes and I look forward to reading your feedback.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

The pics you were promised...

Sunday, January 13, 2008 13
It's late as hell and I'm just getting in from VERVE Lounge in Midtown Atlanta. Yawn. Anyway, I'm beyond tired, so I'll get right to it.

Below please find the pics of YABG and I that you were promised a couple of days ago. I don't particularly approve of my being in any of them, but I figured I outta post something. No one likes a Debbie Downer.

Anyway, here we are in all our splendor. Please forgive the bags under my eyes. These were taken after several drinks on a very long day in the middle of what for me was a very long night.

Oh, and I'll post an Atlanta update soon. The low-lights so far include our waitress at the Waffle House in Lindberg whose (birth) name is Tialicious (yes, that delicious minus the de- and plus a tia-) and this crazy, Hobbit looking white guy at the Phillips Arena metro station. That'll come at some point this week. I'll get it done.

Anyway, enjoy the pics or whatever.

This is my best pic out of the bunch. Sad, right?
Look at those bags under my eyes. Yikes!

I'm really unsure why, but this is Royce's absolute favorite pic.
He noted that in the file name when he sent me the files.

I told him twice how hot this sweater was.
You can't really get a good look at it in this pic, but know I don't say things just to say them.

Me looking silly/drunk as hell. Royce told me to do it...I think.
I dunno. I'd been drinking.

Friday, January 11, 2008

I'm out!

Friday, January 11, 2008 9
Hello All,

I am headed to Atlanta today and will return to Baltimore on Tuesday. I'll have limited internet access, so I'll catch up with you guys then. I hope everyone has a good weekend! Be safe.

Peace and love,

Mr. Jones

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Last night…

Thursday, January 10, 2008 25
EDIT: Re: Blogger Meet Up

Ok, so here's the deal.

Baltimore seems like it would be a good location for most. It's pretty much in the center of the eastern seaboard and flights into and out of BWI are pretty cheap and easy. Getting from the airport to downtown via rail is really easy, too.

If people are really interested in getting this going, then I don't mind hosting and taking the lead in preparing for your arrival. I'm a logistics guy by day, so this would be a breeze. Just know that I get pretty anal with stuff like this i.e. putting together and mailing out welcome/travel packets before you all arrive, etc.

I'd rather not host at my home, but I don't at all mind absorbing the cost of getting a suite (with a full kitchen and all) at a nearby downtown hotel. I know a Residence Inn and a Springhill Suites just opened in Baltimore's financial district, so I'm sure they have full kitchens. Plus, if you all want your own room at a hotel, then you can choose from a plethora in the immediate area.

With that said, if you're even remotely interested in participating, then email me your contact information at We can continue using this post as a communication center of sorts until I get everyone's email address and telephone numbers.

When I get everyone's info, I'll get a listserv going so we can discuss dates and stuff via email.

All I ask is that you all not waste anyone's time here. If we're doing this, then we're doing it. Let's not get everyone all wet over a meet-up if people aren't really interested or just plain won't do it. I'll be none too happy if I pay for a suite and you bitches don't show.

Let's make this happen!

I met Yet Another Black Guy for the first time last night. It was fun.

The evening, well, night started a little later than both of us anticipated, but, you know, what are you gonna do, right? I left Baltimore at 7:30 and with the help of that damn inconsistent and erratic ass Garmin, I got to his hotel in Alexandria (well...he was in Crystal City, really) just before 9. I called him to let him know I was in the lobby and he says he’ll be right down.

So ya’ll know I was nervous, right? Well, nervous is a bad word. I was anxious. I’m really not sure why I was stressing it though. I mean, we talk and text multiple times a day…every day. We’re already really good friends so it’s not like I don’t know the guy; I’ve just never met the guy. I guess anytime you meet a man for the first time you get a little…anxious.

Anyway, so I’m standing there in lobby, right. I see Royce approaching from the opposite direction and he was accompanied by what at first glance appeared to be a giraffe. Turns out that was TJ -- the annoying twink YABG referenced in one of his posts awhile back.

Royce and I greet each other. He introduces me to T.J. who in turn played the shit out of himself in 1.5 minutes. That has to be a record. He starts telling me about how he’s ‘pimping all over the world’ and that he's ‘pimpalicious’. Yikes!

This kid is a mess. First of all, he’s like a billion feet tall with these ridiculously long and lanky arms and legs. You should’ve seen him and those twin towers he calls legs bopping across the damn hotel lobby like a injured gazelle. Secondly, who says they're 'pimpalicious' when they meet somebody for the first time anyway?

Meanwhile, I peep Royce in my periphery sizing me up. I mean really taking me in (yeah, I peeped it, Royce.) Little did he know I had already finished my own evaluation minutes earlier. And I know you all of are wondering...yes, I approved.

He was just as cute as he is in his pictures and trust me when I say he doesn’t look a day over 27 or 28. I’m not one to say things just to say them, so please know I’m not just blowing smoke.

**Realizes I need to speed this story up**

We ditch T.J., go back to his room so he can shower. We leave and head across the river to D.C. He had never been to a gay, black bar so I took him to this spot in Dupont Circle. He really enjoyed himself and even got hit on by the bouncer. He quickly quelled that nonsense though. He shut him down so quickly.

We left that bar and head to Georgetown to grab something eat and get more to drink. Nothing was open at that hour, so we went back to Virginia and had more vodka gimlets and the restaurant in his hotel.

We took in the atmosphere and each other for about an hour and were really enjoying ourselves until this cooning ass yuppie – a (barely) black guy with the belligerent group of drunk PwC employees – set the black race behind by about 20 years by giving his co-workers Soulja Boy dance lessons and screaming: PEACE UP, A-TOWN DOWN…or something like that. He was the very definition of a hot mess.

His (white) co-workers were eating it up, too. One girl even tried to recruit me and Royce. “He’s the only one, uhhh…black guy with us,” she said. “Why don’t you go [to the middle of the floor] and help him? Come on. Go up.”

Bitch, please. I’m nobody’s jigaboo. You got me fucked up, hon.

That pissed me off, so we went up to his room and took some pictures. I’ll approve and post the acceptable one when he sends them to me. I was a mess in some of them. I’m honest.

Anyway I headed home around 1:30 or so. I made it to work on time, but I’m a tired mess.

All in all, it was a fun night. Royce is genuinely a great guy. He doesn’t misrepresent himself one bit. What you see here is what you get.

We're doing it again for a week in Miami next month. I can't wait. Now, let's hope I don’t fall asleep in this damn cube of mine.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008


Wednesday, January 9, 2008 14

Mr. Yet Another Black Guy is in town and we're meeting tonight in Washington. He's up here on business in Alexandria, VA and naturally neither of us thought twice about getting up. I'll admit to being excited...anxious even.

He's never been to Washington before, so I figured I'd take him out, show him a good time and shit. He says he's down for whatever. We'll see about that.

We'll probably start by having dinner in Georgetown. I'll probably take him downtown to see the monuments and government buildings and shit because no trip to the national capital region is complete without a look at this great nation's most phallic symbol -- the Washington Monument. He might like that. I'll probably take him uptown to see the U Street corridor and to SE and SW to see...whatever. I dunno.

I told him that at the end of this trip, he will have seen Washington and D.C. People from the area know without question that there is a definitive difference between the two.

Anyway, look out for pics because, despite my objections, he's bringing his camera. The picture posting process may take a few days because I MUST approve anything that gets posted. Some things are best left to the imagination.

I hope I'm a good host. Wish me luck!

Monday, January 7, 2008

Wait a minute...this isn't Hannah Montana

Monday, January 7, 2008 13

Copycat Disney CD draws dad's ire
Published: Dec. 28, 2007 at 6:55 PM

PORT ORANGE, Fla., (UPI) -- A Florida father says the "Disney" CD his 6-year-old daughter got for Christmas is anything but children's music.

When Jay Scott looked at the CD his daughter got as a Christmas gift, the music on it was actually from the Diplomats, a New York hip-hop group -- and it's not what Hannah Montana fans are used to hearing, WFTV-TV, Miami reported Friday.

"Even the radio mix is at least cleaner. It was quite explicit," Scott said.

The CD, a gift from a grandmother, was an exclusive product of Toys R Us, and had no indication on the packaging that the lyrics are not intended for children, the station reported.

"It was bought by a grandmother for a grandchild. It's got Disney written all over it," Scott said.

His message to parents: "Check what your kid's got," Scott said.

© United Press International. All Rights Reserved.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

For his own good, please get your little brother...

Sunday, January 6, 2008 11
I am so upset with this little boy. He needs an intervention. Please note the bustier and fake microphone he picks up out of nowhere. Everything about this shit is a hot ass mess.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Jägerbombs and miscellaneous hardcore shit

Saturday, January 5, 2008 17

So, I went out last night and am paying the price this morning. I'm soooo fucking hungover.

We went to Grand Central in midtown. I had always driven past that place and have even partied on occasion at another spot across the street, but dismissed it for years as a one of those freaky leather bars for twinks and weirdos and shit. When my friends suggested it I was admittedly skeptical. I should've known better. They've never steered me wrong in the past and they didn't disappoint last night. I had an absolute blast.

I drank too much. I had either 4 or 5 Grey Goose gimlets and 2 Jägerbombs, which I'm sure is the reason I'm so hungover. I was tossed up. When I got home around 2am I threw up all on my bedroom floor, threw some towels over it and left it there. I tried to make it to the bathroom. I just couldn't. A mess, I know.

I just walked down to McDonald's to grab some breakfast. I needed something greasy to absorb this damn liquor. I just popped in a DVD and I'm about to climb back in bed. Let's hope I can pull myself together in time to run some errands later on before the day is completely gone to shit.

I hope this damn headache of mine goes away sooner than later.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Nothing of Note Pt. Deux

Friday, January 4, 2008 3
Hello all:

I was going to post about last night's Iowa caucuses today, but decided against it partially because I flat-out just didn't feel like it. Nothing else really pinched my nipples so I decided against posting anything of note all together.

I'm going out drinking tonight with one of my favorite people in the world and two former co-workers who I also adore. I'll try to be safe only if you all can promise me you'll do the same this weekend.

Peace and love.

- Mr. Jones

Thursday, January 3, 2008

There is NOTHING posh about this look at all

Thursday, January 3, 2008 10
You all know I usually go off for Victoria Beckham. She's my heroine.

With that said, I have to admit she looks like she was on heroin when her and hubby Daaaavid (that how she says it...Daaaavid and the boys) were seen on New Years Day. The pale face, the vivid lip rouge, the black dress. Everything about this pic screams: CHECK ME FOR TRACK MARKS!

Not a good look, Victoria.

Photo courtesy:

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Signs of the End of Time

Wednesday, January 2, 2008 11 all know that I'm not the preachy, churchy religious type, right? I may have referenced God and church and the like maybe twice on this blog. The followin peaked my interest, so just skip over it if this isn't discourse you're interested in having.

Last night I was flipping through the 9 billion channels I have on DirectTV and stopped at Al Jazeera English, the english version of the Arabic news and current affairs network based in Qatar, because it looked interesting. Yes, I'm a nerd...we've established that.

Anyway, they were broadcasting a lecture by Hamza Yusaf, an American-born Islamic scholar who teaches at the Zaytuna Institute in California.

He was talking about the Islamic Prophet Muhammad and his centuries old predictions regarding the end of life on Earth. Yusaf says that the end is near and the writing is all over the wall.

I wrote down snippets of what he said.

Let me know your reactions. You don't have to be Muslim to appreciate this either.


The signs that have occurred and continue to intensify:

One of them that the Prophet Muhammad [inaudible Arabic] said one of the signs would be that intoxicants would be widely used. So, you can see this happening in the Muslim world and just intensifying from quite some time ago.

Another sign would be nakedness. That people would begin to remove their clothes. And he said we would get to the point that people would actually walk around in marketplaces in shorts with their thighs fully exposed.

Umm, he said also that people would have sexual intercourse in front of other people was a sign of the end of time.

Another one would be speed in travel. He said great distances would be traversed in very short time. And he said people would hop between the clouds and the earth. [inaudible Arabic] said that.

And he said musical instruments would be everywhere. And he said that people would dance with instruments on their head, which some have interpreted as headphones. And they would spend their whole night dancing like that.


How crazy is it that somebody actually predicted these things and associated it with the end of time? Craziness.

Are we doomed yet?

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

As if he didn't get burned enough on the field this season...

Tuesday, January 1, 2008 15
New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush has waited in a very long line and is finally getting his chance to ride the already over crowded Kim Kardashian train. The two were spotted last night swapping spit (and given Kim's track record I'm sure a few STDs) at Club Mansion in Miami. I'm thinking they must have met in L.A. somewhere when Reggie was at USC. She is Southern California's resident mattress, after all.

If just being publicly associated with this chick isn't bad enough, my sources tell me that Reggie popped the question and the two will be a permanent pair. Now that's a sex tape I'd pre-order today!

Reggie is too hot, too talented and makes too much money to be locking down someone's sloppy seconds thirds leftovers. He looks good, but this is NOT a good look for him. This bitch must have a puss of gold.

For more nauseating pics visit:

A Late Xmas Gift For Me!!!!

You never want a man to lose his job, but I have to admit that this makes me really happy. Besides this fool is being paid $5 million to NOT coach this team anymore. Forgive me if I don't shed a tear.

The last half of 2007 has been terrible to sports in the Baltimore/Washington area. Everyone knows Maryland basketball and football suck donkey dicks right now, but the Ravens' 5-11 season to follow its 13-3 season from last has to be the most disappointing and baffling. I've never been a huge Billick fan. I'm glad he's gone.

Now, if we can only work on getting Gary Williams and Ralph Friedgen to gracefully bow out.

A Raven No More: Brian Billick Fired!

Baltimore's season started with disappointment, which was followed by shock, depression and the numbness of failure. Fortunately, the team's abysmal performance was punctuated with two positives: yesterday's scrappy win over the lifeless Pittsburgh Steelers, and today's news that Brian Billick was fired by owner Steve Bisciotti.

I was afraid that yesterday's win would give Billick a new lease on life. Fortunately that was not the case. The firing comes only a year after Bisciotti gave Billick a four-year extension. Smooth move, buddy. Whatever, it's your money.

This is the most exciting thing that has happened to Ravens fans all year, which says a lot considering the year ends today. The team now needs to hire a new head coach and a new offensive coordinator. Both are desirable jobs, the latter even more so now that Billick is gone.

Even though Billick's final season was the most disappointing season in franchise history, the legacy of Billick is markedly more positive. He embraced the swagger that has made Baltimore's defense such a unique force, and he brought the Lombardi Trophy to Baltimore. Sort of. Everyone knows Ray Lewis won that trophy pretty much by himself, but at least Billick didn't get in his way.

Billick's tenure lasted longer than most marriages. It was a good run, but it was time to go. Thanks, Billick. Good luck in your next job. I'm sure you'll have more than one suitor. My advice? Pick a team that already has a good offense.

Source: Blogimore Ravens

First post of 2008!

Happy New Year, everyone.

I'll type softly for those of you who might have been a bit overzealous in celebrating the arrival of 2008.

I hope everyone safely wrapped up their 2007. I didn't do a damn thing except go to sleep. So, I hope somebody's nursing a hangover somewhere...for me. Here's to a happy, healthy and productive 2008!
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