Monday, January 21, 2008

Sad Times in the Life of Mr. Jones

Monday, January 21, 2008

You all may have noticed that I’ve been posting less frequently of late. This weekend, for example, I had all sorts of ideas swirling about my head, but I just didn’t know how to articulate them. My hope is that this letter will offer some sort of insight into what I’ve been coping with recently.

I write you today with deep remorse and a heavy heart (and a heavy something else, too). I considered not even burdening you all with this, but then I realized life is all about taking the good with the bad. Many of you read “Just Me…” because of its light-hearted nature, intelligent banter and cunning wit, but there is no place for that today. Today is a day of mourning.

I suppose I should just come out and say it: I’ve lost my orgasm.

I know what you thinking. How is such a thing possible? How does one lose his orgasm? I wondered the same things, too. Seeking the truth, I traveled far and wide (read: from my bedroom to my living room) to consult the wisest authority on this topic.

Samantha Jones, of SATC fame, offered the following (SATC Episode 56, Season 4):

Samantha: I lost my orgasm.

Mr. Jones
: OMG, Sammie Jo, me too!

: I mean, I spent the last two hours fucking with no finale.

Mr. Jones:
Tell me about it. I’ve been trying to, you know, take care of myself, but got nothing. Does that ever happen to you?


Samantha: Well, I'll admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes! When I RSVP to a party I make it my business to come!

Mr. Jones:
Charlotte says sex can be good without a climax.

: That is such a crock of shit.

Mr. Jones:
I hear you. What is wrong with me, Sammie?

: What is wrong with me?

Mr. Jones: Samantha, you’ve gotten your fill. This is about me!

Well…that got me absolutely no where.

Trust me when I say I’ve been giving it the old college try for days now and still…nothing.

Since last Thursday, I’ve hope and prayed and tried and hoped and prayed and jerked and….nothing happened. By Saturday, I was a stopped up mess. On Sunday, I solicited the help of an old friend to help with my search. I was determined to find my orgasm and he was, too.

We had fun for hours, but still…nothing. I was so tired and disappointed and bewildered, I couldn’t even go home and polish myself off.


By Monday I was determined. There was no way in hell I was leaving the confines of my bedroom without finding it. It had to be in there. I mean, where else could it have gone?

I’m not-so-proud to admit that I found it…kinda. I mean, after all that work (and trust me when I say I put in work) it just sort of…showed up. No fanfare. No ticker tape parade. No fireworks and stars. It just sort of…came.

Now, I can only hope that one day soon we will once again be together and that it’ll be as happy to have found me as I will be to find it.

Wish me luck.


Darius T. Williams said...

Um wow - so this has never happened to me. I think too much of your alone time has caused this. You should take a vacay from your um, well, you know...and then I think you'll be fine in the future.

Mr. Jones said...

That's just it. I've slowed down the alone time. Except for Monday's disappointing session, I haven't been alone with my self since last Wednesday.

La said...

ok I know this is no laughing matter but...

aww my poor baby!

that happened to me once... but it was because there was some stuff going on behind the scenes that was weighing me down. What's goin on in your head dear?

omg I love that episode.

kennyking78 said...

NOOOOOOOO!!!! There is no way in hell I could lose my orgasm. I have a tracking device on that bad boy! Shoot! Sometimes that is all one has!

RocaFella07 said...

Awwww I had NO idea...that someting like this could just pop up! ***Does research***

If its not from over-use, as "Darius" stated, im thinking that it might be some kind of anxiety.

This might help:

Good Luck!!


RocaFella07 said...

...Or go to Google and look up "Inhibited or retarded ejaculation"


fuzzy said...

hmmm I never lost my orgasm per say, but it did try to run away a coupla times! I lassoed that sucka and brought him right on back! We are best friends and thats the way it is, I needed to convince him of such facts! lol we have an understanding now! :-)

yet another black guy said...

OMG, THE most hilarious post you have EVER written!!! even funnier than when you told me about it on the phone!

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