Tuesday, January 15, 2008

2008 circa 1984

Tuesday, January 15, 2008


As I walked through the airport the other morning, I couldn’t help but observe how 1984 that experience is.

Watch your bags and personal belongings at all times,” admonishes an almost asexual voice blaring from above. “Do not accept packages from strangers. If you see unattended bags or packages anywhere in the airport terminal or parking area, immediately report them to a security officer or other authority.” The voice then repeats what is presumably the same warning in French, Spanish, Swahili and goddamn Afrikaans. Ya know…just to keep everyone on their toes.

Everything from the voice over the loud speaker telling you to watch your bags closely because, of course, if you don’t, then you’ll likely become a terrorist’s mule and unwittingly smuggle a bomb on board which in turn will help the evildoers do their evil to the cold, impersonal TSA drones at security watching your every move to the cavity search you've gotta complete to even get on the plane. The whole thing from start to finish was
very-big-brother-is-watching-that-ass-so-you-better-not-even-
think-about-pondering-the-possibility-of-doing-something-that-
doesn’t-fall-within-his-parameters-esque.

It’s not so much that I mind the rules and structure; things, after all, are what they are. I just hate the inconsistency. My shower gel made its way to Atlanta just fine, but was too large to make its way back home. Keep in mind I took showers in Atlanta, so there was less gel in there than when I came. Stupid, inconsistent TSA agents.

If dealing with ridiculously inconsistent bullshit and overly convoluted rules isn’t bad enough, you have to deal with nasty ass attitudes. The airline people are fine. They want your money. It’s those nasty ass TSA bitches that really poke my eye.

“Sir, use some common sense and lay that bag down on the conveyor belt,” one agent screamed at this guy in front of me. I thought…Damn. I mean, dude was being a little idiotic, but did he have to put him on blast like that?
It’s my turn to go through.

BOARDING PASSES AND IDs OUT WHEN YOU STEP THROUGH,” this nasty, ghetto ass fat black bitch belted out right in my damn ear.

I stepped through the metal detector.

Didn’t I just say have your boarding pass out?

What are you talking about? It’s in my hand.

I meant out of the envelope.

Then you should’ve said that. Don’t hold me accountable for something you didn’t say.

She rolled eyes, made her mark on my papers and shoved the envelope back in my hand.

That’s the shit I hate having to deal with -- the freaking attitudes. Airplanes and the airport experience would be significantly better if the staff were just a little bit nicer. I’m not expecting 5-star service, but I don’t expect to be talked to like a child because I haven’t committed every TSA policy and procedure to memory. Forgive me.

Basically, I think there’s too much mongering and propaganda going on at these airports. Seven years after 9-11 the government is still playing to our emotions. All these color coded security levels and warnings are ridiculous necessary, but ridiculous nonetheless.

It’s almost to the point of McCarthyism.
.

10 comments:

fuzzy said...

I have never had the luxury of being subjected to airport rules. Only the "no stopping and standing" at the passenger pickup! do they expect me to drive around wasting my gas? I think not...

Mr. Jones said...

You aren't missing out on much except a headache.

Darius T. Williams said...

LOL this is why I have this love/hate relationship with airports

The Captain said...

Fly on a better airline next time.

Mr. Jones said...

Are you able to read? This is a serious question. I think you can, but I don't know sometimes.

You're a complete and utter dunce. I suggest you read posts before commenting. At no point did I even mention an airline. You're stupid.

That Dude Right There said...

Well Jonesy, as a person who flys constantly, I can say that I feel a little empathy for the TSA employees. Yes, some of them are rude as hell, but we all are at one time or another on our jobs. Hell, even I get annoyed at the people who do ignorant things in the security line.

Imagine having to tell almost 100,000 people per day (yes, that's how many fly through our airport) over and over to do something , to have television monitors display what to do, to have what to do on the news almost every day, and then have some uninformed person attempt to come through security with a bottle of Merlot. This happens to them over and over all during their 8 hour shift. Now, that's not a reason to get an attitude, but I can fully understand why they do.

I for one have never had a problem with the TSA because I pay attention to what they say. I wear shoes that I can slip on and off. I take my laptop out of it's case BEFORE I get to the detector. I take off my coat. I leave coins in my carryon bag. And when I get through the detector, I move to the end of the line, not stand at the outrance of the conveyour. I don't take any liquid container larger than 3 ounces through security. I, in an attempt to be informed went onto the TSA website to see what to do in the security line. I wish more people would.

And i'm glad that the personnel in Atlanta, found your oversized bottle of shampoo. It shows that they were doing their job. It's not just 3 ounces, it's a 3 ounce container or less!

And before you get upset, this is just a comment to inform you and other readers, not to put you on blast.

Mr. Jones said...

I'm glad you recanted and back peddled. You must've known your tongue lashing was forthcoming.

The Captain said...

In any event, I don't have these issues when I travel. Maybe you're doing something wrong...

That Dude Right There said...

Well you know I was cursing you out in my head!LOL

yet another black guy said...

TSA stands for Those Stupid Assholes!

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