I'm not even gonna go in on ole girl. I feel bad for her actually.

I got a call from my eye doctor this afternoon advising me that my new eye glasses [these dope ass Prada 55LVs] were ready to be picked up. So, after work I diddy bopped over to the office. When I walked this woman was sitting be helped. I knew no one would believe me so I snapped these pics.

I'm 99% sure Stephon Marbury is on hardcore drugs.

Stephon Marbury recently spurned Boston's one-year veteran's minimum offer and is a free agent as a result. I suppose that's why he's been his unemployed ass has been living his life through the internet of late. Get into this videography which is bizarre to say the very least.

VID#1 - This clip made its innawebs rounds several days ago. Stephon films himself crying to this 1995 ass Kirk Franklin track and decided to post it on YouTube. I suppose nearly 15 years later the spirit finally caught up with him. I'm just sayin'. And before one of you churchies jump down my throat about disrespecting this man's moment with his Lord and Savior, please save it. I'm not clowning him for spiritual experience. I'm clowning because in lame loser fashion he decided to film it and post it on the internet.

VID #2 - More recently he posted this vid addressing his haters and debuting his new "dance" while looking mo' suspect than a muuuuug. The first few seconds of this vid sincerely concern me.

VID #3 - Lastly, he decides it's a great idea to go HAM on ESPN. LOL @ his idle threats.


This dude is a f*cking mess. I see why his ass ain't signed.

Speaking of Trey...You need this mixtape in your life.

You know how some things makes you want to laugh and cry? Well, 'Anticipation' makes me want fuck, then make love. I like most songs on this joint but Track #3 (Scratchin' Me Up) makes me wanna whip my penis out and insert it into the nearest orifice. I'm just sayin...

Hope ya'll enjoy.

Download Link #1

Alternate Download Link

Trey Songz talks Choking, Eating P*ssy and STDs

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Don't drop the soap, dude.

When I saw the link to this young boy’s criminal charging documents on a message board I frequent, I cried a figurative Serengeti for him. I was in an uproar. I mean, look at that name!

Mercedes Antwan Faggett

I initially thought that nobody, regardless of the crime with which they are accused of committing, deserved this gay ass, shitty ass name. He literally grew up with the worse of all worlds: a cheap, trashy stripper moniker for a first name, the most homo spelling of an already gay ass middle name and the most unfortunate of surnames. My beef was that like many Black parents dude’s folks ruined his life before it even began.

Then I got into what he’s accused of:

If guilty, you deserve that name and much, much more, Mr. Faggett. And given the seemingly hypocritcal disdain harden criminals have for people accused of touching kids you will undoubtedly not enjoy your stay in prison.

So, I take it this is Big John and the Westside Boyz?

Southern n*ggerdom is clearly afoot in this video and I simply will NOT stand for it. Who told Jaba The Hut it was socially acceptable schlep around topless with those tits fully exposed the way they are?

*throws laptop into the Chesapeake Bay**

The Joke's On You

Slowly But Surely I'm Building My Home...In My Mind

'Bridge Kitchen' was Armani/Casa's first foray into kitchen design. The look is sync with what we've come to expect from the brand: sleek elegance, slick finishing and refined luxury. Brazilian Sukupira wood, black metal and brushed chrome create an exceptionally sophisticated yet simple shell for the advanced technology housed within the unit. The collection is distributed through stand-alone Armani/Casa stores.

Reason #293829 NOT To Have A You Tube Channel.

You might get shitted on like this:

Mos Def is Pretty Dope. So is The Ecstatic.

This might be one of the best music promos I've seen this year. This is Mos Def's short for 'The Ecstatic', which coincidentally is pretty much all I listen to on my Pre. I'll be honest, it's a dope CD. My favorite cuts are "The Embassy", "No Hay Nada Mas", "Pistola", "Workers Comp", "History" and "Auditorium", a calabo with Slick Rick, "Priority". The whole project has a Middle Eastern vibe with some Brooklyn meda influences. At it's very worst it's at least worth the hard drive space.

.........................................................................................................................................................................

Track List

1. "Supermagic"
2. "Twilite Speedball"
3. "Auditorium" (featuring Slick Rick)
4. "Wahid"
5. "Priority"
6. "Quiet Dog Bite Hard"
7. "Life in Marvelous Times"
8. "The Embassy"
9. "No Hay Nada Mas"
10. "Pistola"
11. "Pretty Dancer"
12. "Workers Comp"
13. "Revelations"
14. "Roses" (featuring Georgia Anne Muldrow)
15. "History" (featuring Talib Kweli)
16. "Casa Bey"

Click here to download.

Good Luck Selling This Sh*t In A Recession, Curtis.

50 Cent is once again trying to get rid of this 18-acre compound in Farmington, Connecticut he bought from Mike Tyson's ex-wife. This property has been the bane of the rapper's existence since closing. He bought the home for $4.1 million which is a bargin considering Tyson's ex-wife's asking price was $25 million. He then spent another $6 million renovating it. When Fiddy first tried selling this hulking beast in 2007 he wanted $18.5 million for the property.

In the throes of the worst recession in generations the house -- which boasts a total of 52 rooms including 21 bedrooms and 25 full baths, an 8-car garage, a movie theater, custom appliances, Italian marble, 5 fireplaces, an in-ground pool, and a guest house -- is now being offered at the low, low price of $10.9 million. Ummmmm, yeah. Good look selling this excessive shit in this economy, bub.

SMGDH @ American opulence and excess.

Click here for full property listing and additional pics.

When Beyonce-ing goes wrong...

This was destined to be pure fuckery from jump. Any "Single Ladies" rendition that begins with a clown mask is bound to end tragically.

"I have two daddies now!" - Juelz Knowles

Twitter was abuzz today about Solange's terrible new haircut, so I decided to see what all the fuss was about. It's not just the cut that's awful, SHE'S awful. While I applaud her efforts to manufacture ways to justify her notoriety other than simply being Be-YAWN-ce's sister, I have to be honest: She looks a pickaninny fool!

The whole pic is a mess. Everything -- from that slanted ass shape up to those cheap cutoffs to the fancy (read: god awful) chancletas to that oooogly ass top -- needs to be returned to the bargin basement bin from which it came.

I feel sorry for Juelz, Solange's young son. Poor thing probably can't tell Mom from Dad now.

Thirsty? Why Wait?

I'm suddenly in the mood to have my thirst quenched. Just to be crystal clear, by "my thirst quenched" I mean a blow job with a happy ending. Any takers?

Mozeltoff!!!! SurrealTalkBlog.com Celebrates 40K Hits

I will fully admit to not having a clue how significant a site having 40,000+ visitors is in the grand scheme of e-things, but, I'll drink to that shit anyway!

When I started this blog two years ago I had no idea what in the hell a blog was and I certainly didn’t think people would actually read the crap I spew. Today it has sort of morphed into an outlet through which I can hone my technical writing skills, share crazy, random shit I encounter on my daily journeys, offer the self-righteously indignant commentary you all seem to enjoy, solicit opinions about crazy shit, and much more.

This blog has provided with an avenue to meet some really cool people from all over this country and world. Have I had to dispatch some idiots and assholes who strolled through here thinking they were going to get Mr. Jones in line? Sure. Real talk, though those folks are few and far between, they are part of the reason I keep doing this. I enjoy the conversation, banter and sharing of ideas. Not for nothing but this blog is solely responsible for providing me with the opportunity to meet, get to know and befriend some of the most important people in my life right now. I'm thankful to it for that.

Because I hate beating dead horses, I stop gushing. However, I will say thanks to each of you who made 40,000 possible. Oh, and if 40,000 really means nothing in the grand scheme of things, then don’t think about mentioning it. Let me have my moment.

Chris Brown, I can forgive you for whoopin' Rihanna, but this lisp...

Cyndi Lauper done went out, got high and told Lil Kim she can sing.

I want to know who is responsible for this mash up? Who sat around a conference room table during a planning meeting and conjured up this odd couple? Who said, "Ahhh...yes. Lil Kim? Cyndi Lauper? Mandela tribute? Works like a charm." I demand you show your face now!

Former South African President Nelson Mandela, who spent 27 years in prison because he tried to fight apartheid, turned 91-years-old and you give him this?!?SMH @ Lil Kim thinking she's a goddamn songstress and sh*t.

Bishop Rev. Dr. Barack Obama, D.D. to the NAACP: "Chuuuuuurch"

To commemorate its 100th anniversary, President Barack Obama yesterday addressed the NAACP in New York. I won't rehash his points but the crux of his argument was this: It's not just the government that should take more responsibility, but individuals who should also take responsibility.

It was a fine speech, but I have to admit Evangelist Obama was a little spookier than usual. He starts going off at 24:30 and by 27:00 I was ready to toss a lil something in the collection plate. I'm just sayin...

Copies of yesterday's message were available as folks exited the sanctuary, but I found a freebie on MSNBC. To watch the revival in its entirety press play on the video.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I kinda wanna visit San Fran just to stay at this hotel.

I dig dope hotels. In my mind dope = modern, stylish and well-appointed. The InterContinental San Fransisco is definitely somewhere I'd stay. Here's more on this property from the hotel's website:

The InterContinental San Francisco Hotel, a graceful tower of translucent cool-blue, soars 32 stories above the vibrant South of Market (SoMa) neighborhood, and has quickly taken its place among the city’s most admired landmarks.

The hotel offers 550 guest rooms (all non-smoking), including 14 suites featuring a spectacular duplex Presidential Suite with unrivaled city skyline and bay views. The hotel has an intimate footprint with only 22 guest rooms per floor. Rooms are luxurious and elegantly appointed with rich wood and marble, striking contemporary art, sleek, stylish furniture, and the latest high-tech amenities. All of this is enhanced by floor-to-ceiling windows through which spectacular city and bay views add to a wondrous experience.

Establishing new standards for design, luxury, amenities, and commitment to guest satisfaction, the InterContinental San Francisco features a 10-room spa offering a comprehensive array of exquisite treatments and signature experiences, staffed by a team of therapists skilled at graciously pampering guests. For a more vigorous workout, guests can enjoy the indoor heated lap-pool or fitness center right next door.

Free Sh*t! Get Your Free Sh*t From Arby's Here!

I was browsing the innwebs and stumbled across this coupon for a free sammich at Arby's. I don't eat there but since know EVERYONE loves free shit, I decided to share it here. Act quickly because this offer won't last forever. In fact, it expires Saturday, the 18th. Now you can't ever say Mr. Jones hasn't given you anything.

Enjoy!

Marion Barry, what are we gonna do with you? **sigh**

Marion Barry is always caught up in some sh*t. For that reason we should all take a moment to point and laugh at him.

**pauses for the cause**

This is the real, unedited cover to the actual hard copy the Washington City Paper published regarding former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry’s most recent scandal. Other than noting that Marion Barry is the messiest politician of them all (sans Ronald Reagan, of course) I won't even go into the merits of this ridiculous story.

For those of you who actually give a damn the following is a snippet from Washington City Paper:

In mid-June, Donna Watts-Brighthaupt had an encounter with Ward 8 Councilmember Marion Barry. Watts was driving around, taking care of some personal business, when Barry caught sight of her. He made a point of getting her to pull over, and the two quickly got involved in an intense discussion.

The exchange hinged on their roughly yearlong relationship, a bizarre one even by the standards of one of the District’s most-watched womanizers. As Barry attempted to stake out his position on their fortunes, Watts-Brighthaupt was quick to point out the ways in which she felt mistreated. One stood out: “You put me out in Denver ’cause I wouldn’t suck your dick,” Watts-Brighthaupt yelled at Barry, according to a tape recording of the conversation.

For Washington City Paper's full story: click here.

Soulja Boy on MTV Cribs

I despise Soulja Boy. I'll be the first to admit that I have no valid reason to despise him, but that's neither here nor there.

I saw the link to this clip of the "rapper" giving a tour of his Los Angeles home and presumed it would be all n*ggerish and shit. I fully expected to see the most ostentatious things at every turn, but his taste (or the taste of his home interior person) was much more muted. Surprisingly, Gucci bed linen aside, I thought the home was fine.

What say you?

We dancing on the stripper pole for Jesus now, ya'll. I blame Mary, Mary's Lamé pants for this.

I think Black folks are second only to Mexicans in finding crazy ass ways to rep the Lord. Some wrap their rear windows in the holy spirit. Others decide to express their spirituals selves by pole dancing to gospel music.

**inserts a random pause to let that sink in**

This fool is dead wrong for the simple knows wasn't nobody p-poppin on a handstand in the Old or New Testament. But alas, I guess if Mary Mary and their shiny, skin tight pants can be down with G-O-D, then why can't he? SMH.

History in the Making: Judge Sonia Sotomayor begins Senate confirmation hearings today.

We've experienced two very significant racial firsts in this country in 2009: Barack Obama was elected as this country's first Black President and a beleaguered Michael Steele became the first African-American to earn the post of Chairman of the Republican National Committee.

We, the minorities, have a chance at a historic three-for-three today as the Hon. Sonia Sotomayor, the first Latina appointed to the high court, begins her Senate confirmation hearings. Though Senate Dems have more than enough votes to confirm the Bronx, NY native, the Pubs will try their best to make the Judge sweat it out.

You might think this stuff is for nerds. I happen to think it's facinating. Either way it's history in the making, so do yourself a favor and tune in for a bit. Besides, it this is anything like Sam Alito's confirmation in 2006, then it'll be a hoot.

Click here to view CNN live video feed of the Sotomayor confirmation hearing.

Photos from Steve McNair's Funeral

The casket of Steve McNair is brought in at the start of his funeral service in Hattiesburg, Miss.. McNair, a former NFL quarterback with the Houston Oilers, Tennessee Titans, and Baltimore Ravens, was shot to death in Nashville July 4.

Mechelle McNair attends the funeral service for her late husband, Steve McNair, in Hattiesburg, Miss.

Brett Favre attends the funeral for ex-Ravens quarterback Steve McNair in Hattiesburg, Miss.

Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis (left) and Tennessee Titans quarterback Vince Young were among the more than 4,500 in attendance for Steve McNair's funeral at Southern Mississippi's Reed Green Coliseum.

More pics after the jump.

I would shut BWI DOOOOWN if I traveled with these! | | Prada Trolley Luggage

I'm a sucker for stuff that's both stylish AND functional and these luggage pieces from Prada's Trolley Luggage collection fit the bill. I ain't too cool with the totes but the suitcases are dope as hell. I'd much rather travel with this Prada than some over-monogrammed Gucci or Louis piece.

Images Via: Gentleman Style

Loan me a few G's please. The Louis Vuitton store near my crib opened this week.

Bill O'Reilly = Total Waste of a Human

I hate that I let Bill O'Reilly rile me up, but that's neither here nor there. Either way, he shouldn't be effin' with MJ. This little diatribe takes Bill to another stratosphere on my list of most despised "people", a term I use very loosely to describe this POS scum. Michael is dead and ain't coming back. Why are you still screwing with him, Bill? Get a life, asshole.

If Tats Didn't Hurt So Much I'd Get Some Dope Sh*t Like This

Amber Rose Was A Gutterbutt Trollop Before Kanye? Who knew?

Pre-Kanye


.
Post-Kayne

This is pretty dope.

Masakage Tanno Wood Business Card Cases

The Masakage Tanno wooden business card holder is made from Japanese Oak or Padouk. Each case has a magnet embedded in the wood to close them shut. The hinges and detailing are of Ebony. Each is available for a reasonable $85 USD.

From: Selectivism.com

REMINDER: Michael Jackson's Public Memorial Today @ 12pm EST

Click here to watch CNN's live coverage.

According to reports Michael Jackson will eventually be laid to rest among Hollywood's elite at Forest Lawn Memorial Park. Today, however, the King of Pop will be honored by 17,500 friends, family and fans at the Staples Center in Los Angeles.

The memorial, which is expected to draw a record-breaking number of television and internet viewers from around the world, is scheduled to start at 12pm EST. I don't know about you all but I'll be clicking that link to watch.

R.I.P Michael.

Are You A Mac Or A PC?

You've all seen Apple's ingenious (and sensationalistic) mini-franchise of "Mac vs. PC" commercials, right? You know, the ones in which the cool, hip Mac is pitted against the awkward, venerable Commodore 64 masquerading as a PC in very carefully selected situations. If you've been living under a rock for the past 6 months and somehow managed to miss the series, then check the YouTube clip at the beginning of this post.

Since the emergence of the first iPod in 2001, Apple has done a good job of making people join the cult and drink the Kool-Aid. Apple lover's will fight to the death to prove that their MacBook or iPhone is better than it's non-Apple counterparts. I mean straight up in the pit with Spartacus type duals.

Case-in-point, I bought a new laptop last week. It's a HP Pavilion dv7, not a Mac. I mentioned this on Twitter and was accosted by several Mac users (read: like two followers who were really just poking fun) with replies calling me a boring, predictable old man. The last part is true. They really did call me boring and predicable and old.

Hmph!

I have to admit that I honestly do think I'm a Mac. Sadly my HSBC checking account isn't Ms. Cleo; it doesn't see that in the cards.

Besides Macs are just too damn rich for my blood right now. Paying thousands of dollars for a computer in 2009 is sooo not the biz. For what? A little bit of fun. I'll stay my boring ass right with this HP.

But I would like to know which brand you all are: Macs or PCs. I also wanna know if money was no object if you'd stick with your choice. If you just don't give a shit, then feel free to tell me that, too.

New Sh*t (Site Updates)

I know I was ready to say eff this blogging sh*t a couple weeks ago, but I've been making some changes and now I'm back into it. A few things I should mention:

• The related article widget is cool, but has some issues. I've been working with a really helpful rep from the company that developed it. She's working on fixing it so that it'll read/recognize this site's RSS feed. After she's done that the recommendations will get more diverse.
  

• The Tweetboard feature is pretty effing awesome. I haven't seen it on too many blogs just yet, so I kinda feel like a slight pioneer. I know it scrolls behind YouTube vids when expanded in Firefox and Chrome, but there nothing I can really do about that.

• I've gonna fill up the side columns with a lil bit of content. I've got some ideas for that.

• Someone told me the white background doesn't show up in IE. I don't use IE so I don't write code based on IE.
  
  
• Stay tuned. More to come.
  

If this CD don't get you none, then you're doing something way wrong.

**D/L link re-up'd on 7/15/09**

I've had this CD in my rotation for a couple weeks now and it's soooooo good that I feel the need to not only share it with you all but to urge you to download it. Though the whole thing is great, the first three songs on this CD is really all it ought to take to get it crackin'.

Do yourself (and your sex life) a favor and gon 'head and download it.

*****************************************************

1. Phoenix Rise
2. Playing Possum
3. Help Somebody
4. Fistful of Tears
5. Stop the World
6. Love You
7. Pretty Wings
8. Cold
9. Bad Habits

Click here to download.

Summer '09 is not a good look for celebs; claims another famous life. RIP Steve McNair

Rest In Peace

Steve McNair
1973 - 2009

I honestly wish we could fast forward through the remainder of Summer 2009. It just keeps taking far too many lives for my liking. After having already sealed the fates of Harvey Presnel, Billy Mays, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, and, of course, Michael Jackson, this season struck again on Saturday claiming the life of former NFL QB Steve McNair.

Though the details are still VERY much sketchy as Nashville police are working the active crime scene, officials are calling this a murder-suicide. Regardless of what happened and how it happened we lost one of the good dudes yesterday. Despite playing for the much hated Tennessee Titans before signing with the Ravens for the last year of his pro career, I always had a soft spot for Steve and the work he did in undeserved communities in Nashville and then Baltimore.

This really hit me and certainly made me feel some kinda way. Anyway...R.I.P., Steve. Thanks for everything you brought to the table.

For continuing coverage of this story, click this link.