I’ve never been one to enjoy the whole dating process. In fact, I hate it. But unless I want to be a lonely bastard for the rest of my life, I've got to do it.
My immediate past ex ruined it for me, but at least there was that sense of familiarity. We may have bickered about where to go or what to do, but at the end of the night, I knew I was getting a meal and a moderately good lay. Not necessarily in that order, but I knew it was coming.
For the last month or so, I’ve been making a concerted effort to meet people. It’s been what feels like ages since I’ve had to keep up with this many names and stories and facts and faces. It’s only like four guys, but still, this is quite the process.
I’m lining up prospects. I’m talking on the telephone. You know, separating the wheat from the chaff. Then you’ve got to secure the date, find a place to go to, talk, and deal with the awkwardness of appropriately ending the 1st (or 2nd or 3rd) date.
I’m exhausted!
What really sucks is that it always seems that by the time I finally get to know/get comfortable with someone; it’s time to do it all over again because for whatever reason things just didn’t work out.
Rinse and repeat, I guess.
16 comments:
You and I should join hands and sing Kum Ba Ya!
We will next week!
Dating is like going on job interviews, its time consuming and tedious but in the end its worth it. Well hopefully it's worth it.
sigh...I need to get out.
I couldn't agree with you more. It's so exhausting. Especially if you are just starting over again and you have several prospects. I can barely deal with one man, how am I supposed to get to know 2 or 3? I just wanna fast forward to that comfort stage where we are settled into the relationship already.
This is so me right now!
I'm glad you bitches are feeling this post. I had a feeling I wasn't the only one in the throes of these types of woes.
And Nia, thanks for that follow-up email. It was very reassuring...on a couple of levels.
I don't know how to exactly say this, but here it go...Yall sound like a bunch of old ass ladies. Hurry up and exhale, will you. Stop looking at dating like it is a chore...."Gee golly...I got to go on another date, if I don't I will end up, an old maid. I rather be at home watching me some, law and order."
Find the joy in meeting new people, and discovering whether you like this person or not. I think the beginnings are the most exciting part. If you look at it like its a job you hate, than a journey of discovery, than you will be exhasted.
Now I will give you, that I have never dated a man. I have went through some bull with men I have slept with, but never dated them. Yes, I'm a male hoe, I will be the first to admit it... I sleep with them first, then do everything else later. But when I start to properly date men, if that day comes, I'm not going to look at it like its a duty.
Mr. Jones you are young, good looking black man, with what looks like a good head on your shoulders. Start viewing your self as a hot commodity, rather than an 40 year old divorcee, who is trying to hurry up and find a man, so she won't end up alone.
Didn't Sex and the City teach us anything. Enjoy being single and dating, it will eventually happen for you!
YB&DL - Your ethos on this subject was shot when I got to this:
"I will give you, that I have never dated a man."
Then, you really lost any shot at credibility with this:
"Yes, I'm a male hoe, I will be the first to admit it... I sleep with them first, then do everything else later."
You've admitted to never having dated a dude before and to being a hoe, so in all honesty, you have no clue how much of a chore dating is or isn't. You just don't have the insight to be critical of those of us who may be in the throes of dating woes.
By admitting to being a male hoe, that says to me you don't even have the expertise to keep the same ones coming back for more. I'm not sayin...I'm just sayin.
I'm obviously no old maid. I know that and the pics prove it but I don't want to be a biddie either.
If casual sex thing works for you, then more power to you. Reality is, though, that regardless of how daunting dating may or may not be, I think we both can agree that it's harder to do that hopping into a random bed.
I learned plenty about life and love from SATC. You seem to have gotten more from Samantha than I or most of my readers did.
Oh, and to be clear...some of this may have sounded nasty. Don't take it that way. It's the internet. Tone gets lost in translation sometimes.
I more than welcome your commentary/criticisms, but just know that I'm gonna be just as critical if not more.
As a 40 year old divorcee all I can say is, you live and you learn, or you don't learn but you figure out it is whatever it is for you and you alone.
"I’ve never been one to enjoy the whole dating process. In fact, I hate it"
And this is where you are going wrong. I understand that dating can be frustrating, but if after 4 dates you are a all upset and ready to go all negative, then you are doomed. If you have to go on 500 dates to find the man that's for you, then keep doing it and keep moving forward with it.
Curious - Thanks for that. See what I mean by keeping me grounded?
TDRT - My disdain is based on much more that four dates.
Dating for me is like doing taxes. I don't have to love doing it, but it's gotta be done. When the payday comes though it'll be all the more sweeter.
Mr. Jones, I gather from your rebuttal, that I need to clear some things up. Yes, I did, in fact state I have never dated a man, but I didn't say I have never dated. I have never done the classic dinner, movies, theater, miniature golf or whatnot, with a man of romantic interest. That doesn't mean I haven't done that with a female.
I understand dating can be a chore, if you look at it as being a chore. Perhaps, if you look at dating as an adventure, with the buried treasure being love; than a job to do on a To Do list, then it wouldn't be such a trying task. Take for instance you compared dating to doing taxes. That's a new one for me.
Take a job, as an example. Some of us, have work that we love to do. We enjoy, if not all, most of want we do. That makes it easier for us to get up in the morning, and do our work. However some people hate their jobs, and do it just for a paycheck. Those are the people who have to drag them selves to work, if they don't decide to call in sick, or come in a go postal on all their coworkers.
I hate to sound like a Pollyanna, but you have to be more optimistic about it. You are definitely giving me a glass is half empty vibe. You have to get a glass is half full mind!
Trust me, I have had my share of bull shit, with both women and men. Even if I haven't dated men in the traditional sense. I probably go through more bull, because I don't date them, the traditional way, that I probably should, but the DL way.
This brings me to my last comment. Yes, I am a self proclaimed male hoe. I was kinda joking with the term, but in all seriousness I am a little more promiscuous, than I should be. Although, I didn't become that way until I started messing with men, but that's another subject. My point is, I completely understand my actions and what I'm doing. I can still have a valid opinion, on this particular matter, however I never said I was an expertise on how to keep a man. If that is the issue you are having, when it comes to the dating situation, then reread what I did say, in my earlier comment....
"Mr. Jones you are young, good looking black man, with what looks like a good head on your shoulders. Start viewing your self as a hot commodity..."
If they leave you, their lost.... Keep it moving!
Sorry if this comment got a bit long.
I hear you YB&DL.
I know just where your coming from. But, I'm in desperate need of a good date...Or else I dont know what I'm going to do.
;-)
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