Monday, April 13, 2009

Open Letter #5

Monday, April 13, 2009


Dear Somali Pirates:

Word on the street is that you all are mad three of your own were killed yesterday at the hands of the United States Navy. In fact, I heard that you people are so salty that you've vowed revenge against our country.

I suggest you hoes deal with it.

You bitches shouldn't have f*cked with something that wasn't yours in the first place. You see, America ain't these other p*ssy ass nations that you can run game on. Russia, France, Italy and company may sit down and hug it out with you, but we ain't them. They may ultimately end up giving you millions of dollars to release their citizens, meanwhile America sends in the goons and snuff you out, no problem.

Moral of the story: Stay in your lane and off our boats!

Signed,

Mr. Jones
Founding President
Coalition of Americans Sick of People Effing With Us

16 comments:

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

Ch, you just became a patriot after months of me working on you. As I said to you earlier today...America GOES HARD, even wit OB as our President! Don't fuck wit us! LoL.

(In other news, OB may have pledged to send troops into Somalia to deal with the pirate issue. Innnnnnnnnnnteresting...)

~Damnit!

Mr. Jones said...

^^I dont like the subtle shade toward my President, you career bottom you. I have always been a uber-patriot. While the new kids on the block are waving rainbow flags, I stuck with my tried and true stars and stripes.

**decides to swing by Fort McHenry on my way home just to pay homage**

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

^^Oh my never subtle shade my legendary bottom friend. I wouldn't think to attempt to sneak shade by you. Oh, they are allowing you on Ft McHenry againg? Humans have such short memories...lol.

~Damnit!

Curious said...

I think you are placing much too much importance on statements made by a group of people who would not be able to sail rounf the horn, through the Suez, into the Mediterranean and cross the Atlantic in their little speed boats in hope of vengance without getting caught somewhere down the line.

I'm just glad Bush/Cheney are no longer in charge, otherwise they would have blown the lifeboat out of the water killing everyone and then bombed Iran or Syria just out of principle.

thegayte-keeper said...

how do they expect to be rewarded for stealing?

Mr. Jones said...

Blaq - Don't banter with me here. If you got a problem, ring my bell. Better yet, show up at my front door. If security let's you thru, that is. **stares you down**

Curious - I'm with you, but who would've thunk that Osama and his cohorts would have navigated the sand in Afghanistan, flown half way across the world and completely changed US culture in several regards? Are they bringing a knife to a gunfight? Sure. But there's a precedent for this type of thing. I'm just sayin'...

Gayte - I'm not sure if your question is rhetorical or not, but those people are super poor and have absolutely nothing to lose. Their form of terrorism isn't entrenched in ideals like Al Qaeda, for example. They just want the coin.

kennyking78 said...

Thank you for speaking my mind... need any help on your staff?

PRIMO said...

LMAO! Nuff Said Mr. jones.....Nuff Said!

Curious said...

Mr Jones, you ask who would have thought about Osama after the 2 embassy bombings in Africa, the USS Cole attacked in Yemen, a previous failed attempt to blow up the WTC, a educated multi-millionaire who could afford his own operations, I would answer about about half of the intelligence services, unfortunately the half that didn't count.

It's wrong to compare Osama to a group of teenagers with no real organization who couldn't get a GED even if they bribed someone with ransom money. Plus, Osama did his thing for religious ideologies where no cost was too great. These boys would be doing it for revenge and more importantly, for a few bucks. Where would the profit come from in coming to the US?

Mr. Jones said...

^^I think you're misinterpreting the post. It was less about conveying actual concern and more about letting them hoes know that we are America and we don't play.

Curious said...

Oh I got you, I just believe in the Teddy Roosevelt, "walk softly but carry a big stick," policy rather than the George Bush irresponsible challenge of, "bring it on."

Mr. Jones said...

^^ I'm with Teddy, but I'm also of the belief that with motherf*ckers hold your citizens hostage, you gotta blow some heads off!!!!! LOL.

Mr. Jones said...

Oh, and for those who inquired, applications for board level positions are being accepted.

yet another black guy said...

It's funny that only 3 were killed, i would've assumed all would be terminated on sight.

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

LoL@ Curious trying it. I'll keep my opinion for now...until this afternoons attack of another ship.


~Damnit!

Mr. Jones said...

El Oh El @ the pirates telling President Obama "We know what your flag looks like." Obeezy was unbothered. He put Hillary on it.

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