Thursday, October 4, 2007

Keeping It Real, Son

Thursday, October 4, 2007
I had a conversation with a co-worker over lunch today about wanting to change physical attributes about myself. Why did I even bother? He didn't even let me make it through my sentence before interjecting: "You should love yourself and be thankful for what you have. You need to keep it real."

Please shut up, take the stick out of your ass and step off your damn soap box.

I can never seem to have this conversation without having to endure a damn lecture about loving and appreciating myself and what I'm working with. As if I already don't.

Don't get me wrong, confidence is key in any endeavor and to be clear (in case you haven't noticed) I'm fairly confident in who and what I am. The point is, people shouldn't stop me from dreaming.

So...let's have a little fun. Answer this:

If given the opportunity to magically become a real-life Ken doll, what three physical attributes would you change about yourself?

I'll go first:

1) Rock hard chest and abs - I'd want an upper torso Tyson Beckford would die for. I'm talking like....a 12-pack.

2) Even skin tone - I'm not talking complexion here. I'm fine with where I am with that. I'm talking the actual evenness of my skin tone. I have this weird year-round farmer's tan thing going that I wouldn't mind getting rid of. Give me the skin of a sexy ass Brazilian.

3) 12-inch Mandingo meat - I don't mind admitting to wanting an awe-inspiring piece. Perhaps then, I could pursue my lifelong dream of becoming a dildo model.

Your turn. Keep in mind that these transformations would occur magically. Feel free to defy conventional wisdom.

Have fun and be creative!

27 comments:

Humility731 said...

Aww sweetheart. Well Mr. Jones you know I love you as you are and I take you as that as well. I do believe people should be happy in the skin they are in, because GOD made us the way we are for a reason. However; if making some physical modifications is what you want to do to improve the way you percieve yourself, then I am all for it. You do you. I'll support. I may even come along. If i could change three things :

1. I want a bigger butt! I mean, I work with what I have (im not being boastful, ask about me *wink) but I have all my life been fairly skinny and had small booty. I would like a little more bang in my butt.

2. Skin tone. UGH after I move to Los Angeles, then back to Baltimore, I have the worst skin tone. I am somewhere in between Seal meets...Chaka Zulu. And I am not suggesting black isnt beautiful, the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice (again, i have references dear), but I want a more even glo to me.

3. Weight. I am so sick and tired of everyone trying to lose weight and taking all the size 30 jeans. I want to get to be a 32, a size that every store carries, and carries plenty of.

Kensilo said...

LOL not a dildo Model!!

1. I want a bigger chest. Mines to small..( miniscule more like it)lol. I am happy with my stomach it's flat and I dont have a six pack but I have a lil somethin goin on there.

2. I would love to have a even-tone complextion also. Its funny cause parts of my body like my feet and chest are lighter. For some strange reason they will not tan. If I tan eventually I end up more darker everywhere else except my feet. It's weird I know.

3. My hair texture. I hate for my hair to grow cause I always have to manage it. I thinking that if I had a fine grain of hair (maybe cury) I would not have to worry about maintaining it.

Other than that I kewl with myself..

Good post man...

D.LavarJames said...

LMAO, not 12 inches of mandingo meat, what u gonna do with all that! LOL

Man forget folks that say some bs like you shouldn't want to change anything, u should be happy with what you got. There's always room for improvement without it seeming like you don't have confidence.

1. I want some abs too, when I look in these magazines and see washboard abs, I imagine that when I do my workouts to keep me goin. Not tryna go overboard, but maybe a 4pack will do

2. I think I have always been a great skin tone, but a few months ago when I came back from Puerto Rico just a little more bronzed, I was really diggin that, and wish it coulda stayed like that. But I want my skin to not be so dry, and facial hair that was easier to manage.

3. Hmm let's see, maybe a smaller ass. Sometimes I feel like it makes me walk weird, lol, does that make sense?

Anonymous said...

If you never want change being it yourself or surrounding, you'll never aspire to be anything more then what you are now or once was. So dream and change whatever it may be.

1: Chest and abs
2: My back
3: Sweat glands I pour buckets working out and now I start to sweat more having sex(I had to start wearing a headband)lol

Mr. Jones said...

Humility - Here we go again with the lecture. It was all in fun...lol.

Ken - Re #3...You still have to maintain it...trust me. I have fine, curly hair that is a bitch when long or short.

D.Lavar - Yes, 12 inches of Mandingo meat. And I'd slay anyone that who dared to crossed my path...lol.

And as for a smaller rear...we may need to meet in person for an accurate analysis before any thing back there can be done. But, IIRC, you're taken, right? lol.

Anonymous - LMAO @ a headband during sex. But hey, do what you gotta do.

Ailed LittleKnight said...

I know what I could do with 12 inches of mandingo meat! This post is very similar to Fuzzy's post he did yesterday!

For comments sake:
1. My penis size! I too want some mandingo meat. I know how to handle it too!
2. I am multi-toned on the skin. Not necessarilly a sun thing. Just can I be one shade?
3. I would like to be really light skinned. lighter than the yellow boys but darker than the white boys...

So Fa Real said...

1) A sexy back that opened up like a perfect spring rose, with the torso to match; like the animated character from the Bod commercials...Lawd, the things i would do if i was a cartoon. 2) A Nice, firm, tight, rounded and supple ass that makes all the bois wanna bite. (hmmm...i got a taste for a cinnabun, now.) 3) And lastly, legs that defy all the boundaries of muscle building. Hell, forget Ken...he wouldnt have nothin on me.

Soldier said...

1. Uneven skin tone : got fix that ! You know how people with a fucked up mix end up having thew weirdest skin problems ? that's me... my skin is too much of everything... it goes from super light to super "wesley-snipes-ish"

2. hair that makes sense : mine is a mess that i love to hate !

3. instant perfect body structure... just because... every single muscle of my body in the ideal proportions, looking right ! lol

and LMAO @ lectures, they're SO freaking annoying...

Cocoa Rican said...

1. Eyes the color of ripe bananas
2. A waist that appears that I will snap in half if I bend
3. Teeth that make Whitney Houston say, "Bitch I wish I had your teeth!"
I have some more requests, but you stopped me at 3!!! LOL

4GOTTEN1 said...

1. Definetly a bigger dick I would love to have this ridiculous huge dick. One i can just pull out and flash everybody with and for a few other purpose's as well.

2. Smaller feet because not all shoes look good in a size 13

3.One of those super chissled washboard stomachs. One that i don't have to maintain it just sort of magically stays that way.

dancehard said...

I'm loving the blog...definitely on my favorites list! Now for my responses.

1. My hair. I love my medium kinky texture, but I've been cursed with an already receding hairline and imminent baldness (and I'm only 25...BOOOOO HISSSSSS). At this point, growing my hair out is NOT an option so I keep it short and tight. I'd love to be able to rock a full head of hair. Think Jensen Atwood...now that's what I'm talking bout!

2. A more balanced upper body. I'd like to say my overall physique is desirable, but it's unbalanced. I've been blessed with a very nice chest, but I feel that my shoulders and arms could fill out quite a bit more to make my chest look less like muscular man-boobs :) I wouldn't mind having the abs POP either. I'm a former chubby boy who married the gym and dancing, but I still carry some yummy around the belly. My abs are strong and are faintly noticeable but they don't POP. That would be nice.

3. Some nice thick calves. I DROOL over powerfully built legs, especially calves. A black man with some strongly built thighs, thick meaty calves, and an ass to match will have me breakin' my neck every time! In my case, I have an impressive booty and some decent thighs (thank you momma!), but more size on the calves would be nice. There is some size and plenty of definition, but I'd love to have some WEIGHT ON IT (as comedian Sommore would say).

All in all, I can say without reservation that I like what I see when I look in the mirror. I've come a long way, and I'm still very much a work in progress. But, if given the wish, this is what I'd ask for physically!

How about a blog post about what we want to change emotionally, mentally, or maybe even spiritually in our bodies and lives? Cuz u know, it's all about having the entire package! Take that whatever way you want to LOL.

The Captain said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
That Dude Right There said...

There are more than 3 things that I would change, but the rules say three. Here they go:

1. A beautiful smile-A man with straight, white teeth makes me swoon.

2. A slim midsection-I want a "fat-less" abdomen. I don't want just strong visible abs, but I want the love handles to DIS-A-FUCKING-PEAR! I have seen dudes with 6-packs that have love handles (muscle or no).

3. A smooth-clear complexion. Like others said before, I am several different shades of brown. And I am just starting to grow out of acne.

Dayne Avery said...

I don't see anything wrong with changing parts of yourself. I mean hell, if we went by your coworkers notions, no one would ever work out or go on a diet. Please, tell him to shut up.

First on my list to change would be a body that is so sick without having to work out. I hate working out and Im so jealous of the people who have naturally toned bodies and dont live in the gym.

Then, I would get all my tattoos removed!

KennonPurdy said...

Man with the exception of number three you can make one and two happen. Take your ass to the gym and to a dermotoglist and stop bitchin' as for the piece, you get what you get. but when you lose wieght and tone it does appear larger, so again get your ass to the gym!

Darius T. Williams said...

1. Smaller feet - finding size 15's are always a problem. And...gym shoes (I'm from Chicago - so they're not called sneakers) look a fool when their two times as large.

2. Height - I'm 6'4 - but I wish I was like 6'8 or 6'9.

3. Different hair - I can really only wear short hair cuts. I'm going to try something new today at the barber. But you know how some people can wear ANY hairstyle and look good in it? Well, that's not so true in my case - but I'm working on something.

Naijadude said...

1. Probably gain some weight, heaven knows I need some meat....
2. Not to have acne during puberty..
3. I will echo you on the skin tone!

Nice blog eh!!

yet another black guy said...

1. No birthmark on my face

2. A butt. i have the flattest ass EVER!

3. No aches, pains, or sprains.

MARQ CLARQ said...

I love it when I read entries like this...makes me all tingly inside

Promiscuous X said...

I would change my stomache. I need so dam ripped abs. A flat stomache doesn't really work for a 6'2 210 pd brotha like myself. My chest is find I love the way it sticks out so manly lol

My ass. It could be a lil bigger. Since I lost weight its been dissapearing. I have a high ass. Which means it sits on my back lol (still fat though).

My theighs could b a lil smaller. My calfs are great. You would think I still run track. My theighs habor most of my weight. I'm still sexy though. Just a few things I'd change if I was to. Overall I'm happy with myself regardless.

WhozHe said...

A bigger butt to keep my pants up.

Kyon Saucier said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kyon Saucier said...

Okay I'll play...

Better skin complexion. Acne is the bane of my existence.

Forge said...

Okay, I have a big head, so I would reshape that first. I would change the size of my shlong...It's too damn big. I get sick of lugging it around sometimes, damn. And My baby toes are ugly. Other than that I am cool.

One Man’s Opinion said...

I would like to get back to a flat stomach, it does not have to be a 6 pack. I am starting to thin out on top so I would have a full head of nappy hair. I love every kink on my head....I think I have a nice ass, but I would like for it to be hard. That's about it. I know its not big changes, but I don't wanna be perfect. I happy with my ding-a-ling size. I don't understand why all you brother's want such big meat...just how small are ya'll. Is it not true that we brothers are naturally endowed?

fuzzy said...

I would give myself more definition in my abs region, bulk up my chest a bit and bulk up my arms too...

Mr. Jones said...

Damn...you all were active this weekend.

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