Friday, September 21, 2007

Go home and sit down

Friday, September 21, 2007

When I met up with That Dude Right There in Baltimore a couple of weeks ago, I told him that I seem to encounter the wildest characters in my city.

I've got stories for the one about the super gay panhandler I stumbled upon leaving Little Italy last year. Or the dozens of trannies who sell themselves on a strip a few blocks north of my building. Or the random rent boys who boldly whore themselves just a few blocks south of my building.

Well, here's another one to add to that list.

The non-profit I work for hosted a wine tasting and live auction (if you're interested we netted over $100K from last night's four-hour event with minimal overhead - the wine, venue, and food and beverage were all in-kind. $1.2 million has been pledged by people attending tonight's donor reception celebrating the start of our newest community partnership - we've been busy).

On my drive home, I stopped the Sunoco across from Oriole Park in downtown Baltimore to get gas. I went in to pay and encountered two women - I use that term very'll see why in a bit.

Now, for context, I wouldn't charge these women with being crackheads... not yet at least. But both of them looked to be a blast away from the nearest methadone center.

Anyway, one woman - who's name I later learned is Tracy - was most vocal. After berating the attendant for charging her for the vanilla cigarillo wanted to purchase (some nerve, right?), the following exchange ensued:

Tracey: How you doing tonight?

Me: I'm fine, thank you.

Tracey: You know what? You look like you just coming from a play. You just coming from a play?

Me: I'm coming from a wine tasting.

Tracey: (in a bafflingly snooty tone)

Me: (pause - turns to pay the attendant for my gas)

Me: (enduring her damn stare burning a damn hole in my back)

Tracey: You cute though. You married?

Other woman: Tracey!

Tracey: Girl, what? I'm just talking to the man.

Me: (finished paying and done with her) Enjoy your evening ladies.

Tracey: What? It ain't gotta be over baby.

Me: Excuse me?

Tracey: Let's go get fucked up and have some fun?

Me: (disgusted and paused by this offer) Ma'am, I'll have to pass.

Tracey: (yelling and embarrassing herself as I walk away) That's ok, wasn't getting none of this pussy anyway.


Anonymous said...

Our women today endure so much because the guys we have today are not real men.

Cocoa Rican said...

I know Mr. Jones... you probably have the nerves rattled from not gettin' that pussy, but believe me, you're better for it. LOL
...but seriously boi... it's instances like that that make you want to scream, "Bitch, you are the very reason I date men!"

That Dude Right There said...

You seriously should consider moving to another city. Seriously!

D.LavarJames said...

OMG!!! LOL! Not that she said you wasn't gettin that pussy?

(throwin up in my mouth)

I woulda had to be like, "you don't have anything I want no way, hoe.

I swear people are really a trip, but I see and hear the same things when I'm out in DC and visit Bmore.

yet another black guy said...

oh i just laughed myself into a stupor!!!! classy broads lol!

life said... run into some crazy situations.

Mr. Jones said...

Captain - Step down off the soap box.

Cocoa - Exactly. They were both awful, but Tracey was a real mess.

TDRT - I doubt that'd help. Fools seem to follow me where I go.

d.lavar - lol @ 'throwin up in my mouth

YABG - The definition of class.

Life - For some reason, I always do.

Kensilo said...

Only YOU constantly get into situations like these. ROFLOL!! See these are the reasons I look forward to reading your blog. I wonder what will come out of the alley after you next. *smilz*

Darius T. Williams said...

Ugh...LOL - that's hilarous!

Kyon Saucier said...

Oh Mr Jones see ur so cute even the crack headed hoes love you. LOL!!!!!

Reese said...

*late pass* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH damn son its like that in them streets huh?

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